When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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