I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
