do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
God I need to hump something, right now.
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