I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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