are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
