apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
birth control should be required to get into college
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
