then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
