Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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