I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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