ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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