She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
