The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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