Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
