We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
