We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
