how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
