why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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