i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
