Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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