if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
