You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
