a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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