Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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