I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
