Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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