so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
