Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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