You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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