I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
