You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
