My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
