just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
