Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
