Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
