dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize