Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
