I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
