you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
