is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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