the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
