Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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