I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
