I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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