He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
