her vagina looked like bernie madoff
In America we eat man semen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
