you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
