You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
