Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
