THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
