i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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