working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
