Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
